One would think that it would be easy to just let it all spill out and with so much time in between my columns, that would be a safe assumption. However, what is one to do when there is so much going on that the feeling of being overwhelmed while simultaneously feeling underwhelmed takes over?

With that my friends, I say, welcome to my life…

First off, it has been so long that I haven’t even proclaimed how excited I am that THE Boston Red Sox are the 2018 World Series Champions. I’ll admit, I was a little bummed that they closed out the Los Angeles Dodgers on a night that I was working the late shift at the Bucyrus Community Hospital as it meant that I could not properly celebrate. After such a dominant season by, at least in record terms, the most dominant Red Sox team in franchise history, it was well deserved. The thought still makes me smile, even on my worst of days, simply because I got to witness yet another championship by my favorite team across any professional sport.

Anyways, there’s that and there’s also this…full disclosure, this is not sports related.

As I sit here in the office on Thursday, November 15 while it’s raining outside, which is turning to ice which is just all bad, I can’t help but think about the last two weeks or so of my life and how drastically things have changed. I’m sure that everyone encounters their own ups and downs and I get that and I am here if you ever need a set of ears to listen, but I am lucky enough to have a platform, other than social media, to talk about them…so, you get to here everything and nothing about my life and that’s admittedly the way that I operate.

In life, we take chances or we don’t and I suppose that all boils down to who you are as an individual. I personally am not much of a chance taker as I fear the risk never matches the reward. Throughout the course of my life, I would describe myself as a “play it safe” sorta fella and it has seen it’s share of takeaways. Sparing you all any details from a past that I am less than proud of but made me into (mostly) what I am today, let’s move forward.

Recently, I saw a chance that I just had to take as the rewards were high but, unfortunately, so were the risks. I threw caution to the wind and rolled the dice and boy did I ever pay for it. What do you do when one of the only things that you have ever wanted in life is presented to you in hopes of a fairy tale ending? Are you the type of person that just goes for it, calculated and planned or otherwise, or do you hibernate into the comfortable and safe? I am usually, like I previously stated, the latter; However, this time, I, to reference a Lou Reed song, took a walk on the wild side.

To say that I got just what I deserved in doing so would fall short of the true magnitude and severity of the situation.

I went from everything to everything to nothing in a matter of a few short days and it hurt when I fell from the charismatic Chad that only some of you have gotten the chance to know and believe me, that is intentional with no offense to anyone. Again, I will leave out names, details and most of the language that has crossed my mind in the span of the last few weeks and, for that, you can thank me later…or not, it’s whatever.

In this process, I hurt a lot of people, including myself. I assure you all, I can live with having done damage to myself, it’s nothing new to me. I am not a fan of hurting anyone, ever and in this case, I was looking out for only me and, if you know me, that’s not something that I usually do. Yours truly strives to bring happiness to everyone and provide a helping hand whenever I can and I must say, I like that about myself. But, when all of this came about, I pushed everyone aside and the damage that I created for them and myself appears irreparable, or perhaps I’m overthinking and that also is nothing new.

So, as this all is pouring out of me I can’t help but think that once you hit bottom, the only way to go is up…right? It will all come together no matter how overwhelming it may all appear, especially at the beginning of a rebuild. I am not a strong person and that is a terrible thing to admit but, it must be stated. I’m not exactly sure of the proper steps to take in order to reform my life and I just keep telling myself that it can only get better and that it all is a process.

Besides, I have so much to be thankful for and what a better time to proclaim such…thanks for reading!